Fear
by milestogo
Summary: Percy had a traumatic experience at an early age, he's buried it for many years, until he has to dig it up in order to save his family.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Yes, I own them, and the voices in my head tell me to cut off people's feet and feed them to my flying monkeys. *roll eyes* 

Summary: Percy POV *mostly*, though it does switch back and forth through family members. I'm discovering this as I write it, so bear with me... 

Author's note: I promised myself I would never write a song fic, but I guess I lied to myself, this just fit so well. Oh yeah, I welcome flames, but I can't promise I'll take them to heart:) Also, the space bar on my keyboard gets stuck for some *cough* unknown *cough* reason. *Note to self, don't drink coke near computer*. Stuff written in Italics is song. "Fear" by Sarah Mclachan. Now, onto the story..... 

Fear 

I was running, like I could never stop, even if I wanted to. I had to get to them first. They were all I had, I couldn't lose them. I had let the other family die, or fall apart, either way their was no family any more. I couldn't let mine. That sounds horrible, I know, selfish and horrible, but even if they didn't care for me that much, I had to warn them. I had to save them. *Just don't think about what the death eaters did to them. Don't remember the little boy screaming, try to forget Mr. Longbottom shielding his wife's and son's body with his. You couldn't stop them. You didn't even have a wand. You were in hiding. You weren't supposed to be out anyway. All you could do was run. And scream, but you didn't know you were screaming, did you? Like you are now. I have to save them, my family.* I had until sunrise to get there. 

Morning smiles 

like the face of a newborn child 

innocent unknowing 

winter's end 

promises of a long lost friend 

*Perfect Percy, Prefect Percy, Percy that would sell his own family to You-Know-Who if it meant more power.* Yes, Ron had been saying that for years. The first time I had heard it was whenI was 15, when I had just gotten my OWL's back. 12 OWLS. Mom had said, "Haven't I told you not to say that, now eat your breakfast." Needless to say, I had skipped breakfast that morning. I had told mom I was sick when she came up. I hadn't been lying, I was sick. 

Speaks to me of comfort 

but I fear 

I have nothingto give 

I have so much to lose 

here in this lonely place 

tangled up in our embrace 

there's nothing I like better than to fall 

That was another thing my siblings hated me for, I always followed the rules. The rules kept you out of trouble, kept you safe, kept you from having nightmares that haunted you to the point of wanting to scream, to writhe, to *die*. I tried to teach the rules to my siblings, but it didn't take. They just thought of me as bossy and annoying. Which gave me another bright idea, why not be that, so that nobody ever got close, nobody ever got hurt because of me. It was my motto. "Nobody gets close, nobody gets hurt." 

But I fear I have nothing to give 

Wind in time 

rapes the flower trembling on the vine 

nothing yields to shelter it 

from above 

they say temptation will destroy our love 

the never ending hunger 

I had to repeat that to myself every holiday when Bill and Charlie and then after some time I came home from Hogwarts and everybody would play quidditch in the paddock. Bill and Charlie forced me to play, saying it would be "Good for me to get out some. Help you keep your mind off, er, things." 

but I fear 

I have nothing to give 

I have somuch to lose 

here in this lonely place 

tangled up in our embrace 

there's nothing I'd like 

better than to fall 

Of course I knew what they were talking about. The twins, Ron, and Ginny didn't. Mom and dad thought it best not to tell them. They sat Bill, Charlie, and me down to tell us this. They didn't have to tell me. My motto, remember? 

but I fear 

I have nothing to give 

I have so much to lose 

I ran, and ran, all the while remembering why I was running. My nightmare was coming back to haunt me. Like a ghost haunts a house in one of those cheap horror movies. It wouldn't leave me. It was suffocating me, I couldn't breathe. But somehow, I ran. 

I have nothing to give 

we have so much to lose 

********* 

If you want me to keep writing this, then I will, but only if you tell me:) *hundred dollar smile* I'm not above begging to get reviews:) 


	2. Short-Lived Freedom

It was almost 15 years ago. We were in hiding. Or we were supposed to be. Mom had gone out to get the groceries from the Ministry worker. She had to go out in the middle of the night so that she wouldn't be seen, but there was always that chance. Bill and Charlie were home for the summer holidays. They were supposed to be in charge of me, the twins, and Ron. We didn't have Ginny then, I just wondered why mum's tummy was getting larger. 

Bill and George and Charlie and Fred were teamed up wrestling. It's the funniest thing to watch people wrestle without trying to make a noise. Of course, mum would kill them if she found out. I wouldn't even bother to try to join them. I'd rather read anyway. I had just started Charlette's Web. I had always been ahead of my age group. Bill said it would help me at Hogwarts. He also said I would have to learn how to follow the rules. I laugh at that now. I have *no* problem with that now. I did then. 

Like I said, mum had gone to get the groceries. Bill, Charlie, and the twins were wrestling, and Ron had been put down atleast an hour ago. I had read over 3/4 of the book, and it had gotten boring for me. When I had started it, Charlie had told me what was to happen. Big brothers were so sweet when you were younger, huh? Anyway, I had been reading it all day just to get on his nerves (it didn't, but I had to do something!) and it was getting a bit dull, so I decided to sneek out to visit Mrs. Longbottom and Neville, her baby. 

I know what you're thinking, "Wouldn't she be in hiding too? I mean, her husband was an Auror. How would you know where she lived?" Well, when they put families in safe houses, they usually put the families in pairs, because since their husbands weren't home, the wives could help each other when need be. No, we weren't put in the same house, but a few blocks from each other. I wouldn't have known where she lived, but mum had been her midwife when she had Neville, and since Bill and Charlie had been at Hogwarts, and since I was too young to babysit, mum had to bring us along. We stayed there for about 2 weeks, to help Mrs. Longbottom, and I had gained a second mother during that time. She had gained a second son, she told me. 

I went up to the second floor of our safe house, to the only window that wasn't boarded up, because it was so small they thought no one could fit through. They were wrong. 

I wriggled through, and jumped on the first floor roof. *Crap* is what went through my mind. Charlie and Bill probably heard it, but I decided to go ahead anyway, since I would already be in trouble for going out. I had only gone to see Mrs. Longbottom once before, and she had threatened to call my mother in the fire, but I had persuaded her not to with my boyish charms. *Yes, I knew how to persuade people then.* 

I kept to the shadows in people's backyards. I felt like a spy, or a detective. It felt so freeing. I would never feel that way again. 

It took me almost half an hour to get to her house. I peeked through her living room window and I saw something that confused me. There were two cups of tea on the coffee table, that I could tell were still steaming, but the teapot was smashed into a million pieces on the floor, with the chairs, quilts, and thier wands laying all over the room. It didn't register what this meant, stupid as it is, I thought that Mrs. Longbottom just hadn't cleaned up in a while. Yes, me, smart Percy, had been so stupid as to think that. Then I crawled in the window. 

*** 


	3. Pieces

Thanks to everyone for all the great reviews(  
  
BTW, it let me log in this time, so ignore that review thing I posted, cuz it doesn't matter now( If you all still like it, I'll write the next part( now, onto the fic.  
  
  
  
  
  
I honestly didn't think that there was any chance of death eaters anymore. Harry Potter had saved us from him. That's why the twins, Charlie, and Bill had thought it safe to wrestle. They stayed quiet because they feared the wrath of my mother more than the Dark Lord's. We had to stay in hiding because of the death eaters. They could still be at large. I didn't think they would dare come out for fear of being exposed. They could be identified and shipped off to Azkaban. See, I told you I was a smart kid. That's why I felt I would be safe going upstairs. It didn't cross my mind that there would be trouble. Yeah, you're right. Maybe I wasn't so smart.  
  
I continued up the stairs.  
  
***  
  
We had just knocked into the table when I heard it. Something had landed on the roof. We all froze. We stared at the ceiling like idiots. Finally, Charlie poked me. "What was that?" he whispered.  
  
"I don't know. You keep the twins here. I'll go check it out." I whispered back.  
  
"Bill, don't. Let's just wait for mum." I could see the pleading in his eyes. It broke my heart. Of course, I couldn't tell him that. I would be mocked to no end.  
  
"Fine. Let's just get Percy and Ron, and we'll hide where they told us too." They of course being my mum and dad. We had been tought to hide under the stairs in the tiny closet there. They had enchanted the door so that it looked smaller than a mousehole. Plus, since it was in the corner, you almost couldn't tell it was there, but when you grabbed the teeny handle, it grew to fit us all in, and then shrank back to make it teeny again. Impressive, huh?  
  
I went to get Ron, and Charlie went to get Percy. I gently picked up the baby, trying not to wake him, and started to make it out of the room. The door banged open. Ron woke up. He started crying. I swore under my breath when I saw who it was.  
  
"Charlie, did you have to do that! Look what you just did!" I failed to notice how his face had blanched. I was to busy doing the charm that made it impossible to make sound on Ron. Another trick I had been taught. I hadn't wanted to do it, I hate doing spells on my family, but I had no choice.  
  
"Percy, he's not there." I almost dropped Ron.  
  
"What do you mean? He has to be there!" I was almost hysterical.  
  
"You don't think it was him? Do you?" We had heard how he went over to the Longbottom's flat. Mom had yelled at him *quietly* for over an hour about how that was dangerous and reckless and how we could have lost him. He knew all that. He just wanted an escape. He didn't say it. He didn't have to. It was a known fact between brothers. Charlie and I had Hogwarts, the twins had each other, and Ron was too young to care. Percy had books. We didn't get to many of those very often, and the same one can get boring after a while, so we understood he wanted an adventure. We understood, we didn't approve.  
  
"Probably. Go check the attic window." My stomach dropped as I said those words. I went downstairs to the stairs. I was putting Ron in the twins lap when I turned around to see Charlie, if possible, even whiter. I knew the answer.  
  
"Fred, George, I need you two to stay here until I get back. Watch Ron, and please don't drop him this time if he needs a new diaper. Understand? I'll be back in a little while." I whispered. Hopefully mum wouldn't get back until I was back. "Charlie, get in."  
  
"No, I'm coming." He said fiercely.  
  
"Charlie, I'm not debating this with you. Get in." I said, just as fierce.  
  
"You're right. We're not debating this. I'm going." Honestly, I didn't want to go alone, but he couldn't go. He could get hurt.  
  
"Charlie, get in."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"We don't have time for this. Get in."  
  
"I'm going. We better hurry before mum gets back."  
  
"Damn it. You two, keep Ron quiet if you can. Don't make a sound. If mom gets back, tell her where we went. Okay?"  
  
"Okay." Fred and George said in unison.  
  
With that, we made our way out the back door and into the night.  
  
***  
  
I could hear voices upstairs. I was still in detective mode, so I decided to sneak up there and surprise them. I'm the one that got the surprise.  
  
I can still hear their voices in my head. Sometimes in my dreams, and sometimes when it's just really quiet. I hear them now because I'm running toward them. The voices. My tormentors.  
  
"Please, don't harm them. I'm the one you want. Don't touch them." Mr. Longbottom said in a deadly tired voice.  
  
"Just tell us what you have done to our master! Where is he?" one of the hooded beasts screamed.  
  
"I don't know! I told you that! Please, let us be."  
  
"Crucio." The beast breathed. Mrs. Longbottom started shaking and screaming. I now knew what they were here for. You-know-who had disappeared after he had met his downfall in the baby everyone was talking about. I started to back away.  
  
"Where is he?" a female voice seethed.  
  
"I don't know! Please stop! She doesn't know any more than I do! Please!" Now Mr. Longbottom was hysterical.  
  
"Crucio." She said. Now it was Mr. Longbottoms turn to scream. I turned to run. I ran into a table knocking a vase to the floor. It shattered into a million pieces. Just like the teapot is what went through my head. Then I ran.  
  
*Crawling in my skin  
  
Consuming all I feel  
  
Fear is how I fall  
  
Confusing what is real  
  
There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
  
Consuming/Confusing  
  
This lack of self-control I fear is never-ending  
  
Controlling/I can't seem  
  
To find myself again  
  
My walls are closing in  
  
[Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced  
  
That there's just too much pressure to take]  
  
I've felt this way before  
  
So insecure  
  
Discomfort, Endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
  
Distracting/Reacting  
  
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection  
  
It's haunting, how I can't seem.*  
  
  
  
Song by Linkin Park--Crawling 


End file.
